Marxism makes gross cabbage

Marxism: For starters, it's not Communism.

When people try to implement Marxism on a large scale it always fails and Communism is what they end up with.

Marxism includes the idea that there is no leader, government, or organizing body. Everyone is equal. The revolution comes from the people, and after it's over the leaders are supposed to melt back into the people.

Communism happens because they don't. Whether the leaders fear that their new society isn't ready without them, or (more likely) they're ego tripping, the individuals who start the revolutions don't step down.

Maybe that makes sense. You spend seventeen years leading your army to victorious conquest against seemingly unsurpassable odds to the betterment of all man kind...
And then you grow cabbages until you die.

(I bet they aren't even very good cabbages either. Seventeen years of war is bad for the soil.)

With that level of hero status even if you wanted to it'd be hard to live normally.

Then there are the other enemies of Marxism. Even if you manage to overcome to hurdle of autonomy, you then need to face anonymity. Marxism has never been successfully used for a community larger than about fifty.

Now you may be thinking to yourself "Self, I think Marxism can still work large scale."

Well you'd be wrong.

When you know everyone your work is going to, it's cool. The work is hard, but you know that Samantha and Franks' son is sick, and if you don't grow your disgusting cabbages he might not make it.

When everything you do is swallowed up by "The People", sloth takes over.

Incidentally, The People must have a pretty good gag reflex to eat up all your cabbage. It's nasty.

Reliving the monotony without seeing a change, without it earning a better life for your children, knowing on the day your body finally gives out you will be just as much a cabbage farmer as you were when you still thought vegetables were ewwy? (Bearing in mind that you're cabbages really are pretty gross.)

Humans aren't mentally equipped for that. Not with the life spans we have now, especially.

Ultimately Marxist revolutions offer nothing but well meaning oppression, which is maybe better than the cold unfeeling oppression of Capitalism. (But Capitalism has better cabbages.)