I'll umpa your lumpa

Traditional standards of what represents wealth and beauty are getting reversed lately, especially with us XX's.

It used to be that being pale was good, like we had time to sit around inside doing nothing while everyone else labored beneath the hot sun while they considered Communist revolutions that would force them into further oppression.

But now everyone is being oppressed by capitalism and so we have to stay inside in our cubicles without seeing the sunlight except through screen savers, so being pale is pretty normal. Now being tan is what prooves you're rich. It means you have time to lie around in the sun, or wander around on far off beaches, or go to expensive tanning salons.

Granted, nobody cares about the origins of these trends except me, so now fake tans are all the rage. When girls walk around with bright orange skin, it's not because they're good girls who eat their carrots (mind out of the gutter please) and they aren't umpa lumpas- Adolescent XX's just think that orange is the new sexy. XY's get in on the doopity doo too.

If you're like me and don't buy into the tanning craze, worry not! Eventually these current icons of beauty may get skin cancer, and their bleached silky hair may be sacrificed during chemotherapy. And then people with cancers lives will improve because wigs will no longer be seen as out of the ordinary!

Or fashion will keep on moving. Either or.